#uncoffeed...

trees show wisdom in the bends, branches, fractures they do not discard. that which falls in the forest is susceptible to transformation - a free for all, up for grabs - a mere piece of wood retrieved by a boy is whittled by a pocket-knife lent by his grandfather and reborn into a measuring stick. *inspired by Peter Kidd, my best guru

Someone from the periphery of one of my past lives gave me this picture. I have a fleeting recollection of the moment – I think my brain was rather empty, or unable to process what I was supposed to be feeling. Here I was, dressed for Graduation from Middle School. I like how the picture is a little bit creepy.  We were living in a Deep East Texas trailer park. Each trailer was situated on at least one acre of land. Ours was a three-bedroom: parents and new baby Michael in the master, a room for four boys, and a room for the four girls.  My dad built bunk beds – two sets for each bedroom. There was a connecting bath, like the Brady Bunch. All the wars you can imagine happened there.  The eldest son lived in the camper out back. In this picture, I’m wearing the graduation dress that was made for me. One of the school counselors had approached my parents about the pending ceremony and asked whether she could arrange an outfit for me.  She took me to the m...

In the course of building relationships, there is always a risk of giving away too much or withholding too much. It’s a delicate ballet. Compromises are made; boundaries are sometimes forgotten, or put aside for later.    When you’ve made an emotional pact with someone who is dying, boundaries are hijacked. There is now a third party in the relationship: death.   Death is a catalyst. it doesn’t do the judging but puts a finger – or two – on the scale with which you weigh your decisions. Death is the stone in your shoe. Do you stop, shake it out and risk toppling over, or do you continue with the pain in order to keep your perception of balance? It’s not a horrible pain. You aren’t the one who’s dying.  Death is an unknown variable. It’s also contextual, as the person who’s doing the dying measures it differently than the person who is watching the relationship wither. How long the process will take is never clear. How much more to invest is never clea...

The Universe is cyclical. It's more than that, though, isn't it? Here we go with semantics again. When we say we feel something, we observe with more than just our eyes. We are collecting data through organic functions:  taste, smell, sight, sound touch, other senses to be determined. Let's call a set of the undetermined "potential." The data is stored, waiting to be processed. If not processed, the data will be pushed down to make way for puzzles which can be solved now.  We like resolution. The jumble of unresolved potential just waits for more pieces to be discovered. I will proceed with this meaning of the word 'feel'. The collection of data we've accrued since childhood does not have a solid definition for everything we feel.  But we do feel a situation is familiar even if we haven't been in that place and time before. We try to identify a possible set of decisions that caused us to be in that same place, that same feelin...

the truth of the matter a woman knows knows before she knows hence the fearsome sense the truth of the matter i would were it not for matters of logic and exposition be able to answer more clearly the question.

I'm nostalgic today. Remember that moment when Yes We Can turned into Yes We Did?  We did that. We elected the first-ever Partly Brown Man to head the United States of America. Our history evolved from systemic oppression to actualization of The American Dream, and then we let it roll back.  I was accused, by friends who self-identify as pro-equality freethinkers, of being racially motivated to vote for Obama. I'll cop to that. I never expected him to be a Magical Politician . I voted for the only Brown Person Non-Good-Ol-Boy to get to the Superbowl in my lifetime, because I could. Because I was sick of the White Patriarchy holding all of us down; not just brown people, all of us. Systemic narcissism hurt me, too, and it still does.  We overcame. And then we stayed home, and the White Patriarchy stood up. No, this also affects you.  Moneypenny is not just a secretary. She is a bright, forward-thinking young person; she is the future of America...

Meg and I were leaving our favorite Turkish Restaurant, Meze , when we saw a woman wearing a hat that erupted in black feathers. She was on the sidewalk, handing out Origami Cranes from a basket. Of course I wanted one. Here's the wish attached to it: "tend to your pain like a mother cradles her baby, put aside what you're doing and take care of it. act of holding brings relief, even when you don't know what's causing the pain. art of power 844 you are held and supported by the entire universe." I thought about this, and decided to do it. I go though life assuring myself that I have conquered any issues I may have, because I know how I should feel about them and I reasonably sincerely do. However, there is still pain, and probably I have been ignoring it for so long it feels normal.  You know this one, don't you? We're brought up - many of us are - to suck it up, "keep a stiff upper lip". Nobody's got it easier; just sti...

I have lived in a lot of the United States.  In fact, it wasn't until this decade that I learned how to go on vacation and come home again, instead of just moving to the place I wanted to see. I can apparently blame this on my Scots-Irish heritage.  I once planned a vacation to visit cities on I-10: Houston, New Orleans, Mobile. I'd lived in these cities during my youthful wanderings and I wanted to show my husband some of my history. I also wanted to see them again as a tourist who could afford the nice restaurants, instead of a single mom who could barely pay the bills. The trip was successful in the latter regard, and in the end I felt awesome. I was able to figure out which of my feelings were based on my experience in that city, which were based on friends who may or may not still be there, and which were for the city itself. I still go back to NO whenever I can - it's a Restore Point for the culture that is important to me: art, music, banging cuisine. Rich m...