Author Bio vs. So Many Squirrels (f-bomb alert)

By débora Ewing
Yesterday was a really big day for me, with lots of love in my direction.  For starters, it was the first day of a new year in my tiny Annandale cottage. I moved here after studying the Art Of War as it applied to an amicable divorce. I made careful calculations, but I still wasn't sure what I was getting myself into - only what I was getting myself out of. And I nailed it, or at least I'm still afloat.

We had King Cake  at work, and I got the baby.  I didn't find the baby; the baby was presenting himself, emerging from the cake like a c-section and not really hiding at all.  But I got the baby because nobody else was as excited by a Gold Baby Jesus in a King Cake as I was. 

Also I received an email from Joe Maita of Jerry Jazz Musician. My very short story was the first-ever winner of the Jerry Jazz fiction contest in 2002. When I submitted for contest 47, he wrote to ask if I were the same Deb Ewing. How freaking awesome is it to be remembered? I tell you: it is awesome as fuck. The email yesterday was to inform me that Coloring Outside the Lines would be featured on the website 2/2, Groundhog Day, today.

"Sorry for the short notice," Joe said. "Can  you send an updated bio of 50 words or so?"

Sure. I'm a writer. I word things.  I can write a bio.

And then my brain became spectacularly empty. Squirrels gone.

I emailed my partners in crime for advice. Hell, I emailed and asked them to write it for me. They did not respond within fifteen seconds, so I panicked and posted my request on Facebook. There I took up a collection of words, promising to send the winner...something.  Probably sending Gold Baby Jesus.

I received so much love. Here are some of the responses:

Deb is a sponge; the good kind. 

 She has a restless mind and her highest priority is reconciling reality with what should be.

Deb is a crazy wanna be writer with a blog and a mean baby sister.

The compartments in DebWorld are guarded by clever squirrels who also serve as muse.

When we last saw our hero, Deb was entrenched in Our Nation's Capital. Having escaped the intransitable void known as The Beltway, she's  now hiding in Annandale....

Me along with Cindy and Beth )stoned on acid). Beth "look at the moon."  Cindy "That isn't the moon." Me "of course it's the moon, (while seeing a winking dancing fish fluttering across the night sky) What else could it be?" 

 You could mention that you have a wide range of interests: philosophy, math, computers, art(GEB), and brownies!

 - also, dogs and filtering human experience in writing, allowing others to see the world in new and off-beat ways.


You see?  These words collected are in toto a pretty accurate representation of me, presented by people who know me from vastly different aspects of my universe. It's amazing, and I am grateful. My friend reminds me that an author bio is tailored to the assignment, like a resumé. I'll be using all of these blurbs at some point. 

I finally narrowed the field to about 55 words and a shameless plug for the blog. I sent it to Joe Maita, who edited for his purposes, and it looks much nicer now.: friendly, professional, no squirrels. You can see it here.


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