Rules for Adult Relationships [Lots of F-bombs Edit]

By débora Ewing
Until two minutes ago, this blog post was titled "Rules for the Dating Game." We need to realize the significance of any connection - they don't all lead to romance but are all valuable.

My ultimate goal here is to get everybody to stop wasting time - their own and that of others. Before you hit "send" on that DM, or when you think she's out of your league, take a moment to review yourself. 
  1. Know yourself - every time you think you do, you really don't. Trust me on this one, because it's true of all humans. Keep the "I may be an idiot" door open at all times, but don't let knowing you might be an idiot stop you from living. 
  2. Identify your end-goal: what do you want ultimately; what are you willing to accept? answer this question and then see #11. 
  3. Take No for an answer. 
  4. Take maybe for a "not likely" or really it's just no. See #12.
  5. DON'T FUCKING LIE. don't bullshit, don't twist options. In order to be successful on this point, you have to be solid on #1 and #2. Fakery evidences itself, always. It's just a matter of time.
  6. Don't make assumptions. If you need clarity, ask the question.
  7. Realise that the person you're asking may not be clear on #1 and #2 themselves, in which case they will not be able to be honest with you. Be prepared to back the fuck out of there. See #5.
  8. Do not make your decisions based on the opinions or actions of your mates, peers, enemies, friends, movies or TV shows, past romances, imagined romances, or anything that looks like social status. Do not worry about what The Last Guy or The Next guy did or will do. If you hear yourself having those thoughts,  you're wrong. 
  9. Be prepared to walk away, willing to concede at any point where things are not gelling. 
  10. Be prepared to deal with it if things actually are gelling (this is more difficult than people realise, because the waters are uncharted.)
  11. Don't accept "good enough" - you are blocking someone else's happiness as well as  your own. 
  12. Don't engage with anyone that doesn't think  you are as awesome as you do, but also realise that there's more to the package which might be a deal breaker. See #9. Leave room for your own faults, as well as the other party's. True respect will get you through the awkward stuff
The following is courtesy of Margie Summers, who is well wise:

 #13. Leave the gate open. If you have to pen somebody up to keep them in a relationship, they have already left it, and you are seeking ownership, not relationship.
#14. Never give another person the key to your self-esteem. Not even for a nanosecond. But love the stuffings out of you. This ensures that you have lots left to shower on other people.

Suggestions are welcome. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousTuesday, 11 September, 2018

    I would like to use the opportunity of saying thanks to you for the professional advice I have always
    enjoyed browsing your site. We are looking forward to the
    actual commencement of my school research and the overall planning would
    never have been complete without checking out your website.

    If I might be of any assistance to others, I'd personally be pleased to help via
    what I have discovered from here.

    ReplyDelete
  2. masrethTuesday, 11 September, 2018

    What about 'How to deal with your Crush' rules? :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. débora EwingWednesday, 12 September, 2018

      You already know ;) I break up with them in my own mind before they even know there's a thing going on. One day I will write a book of all these stories.

      Delete
  3. MariTuesday, 11 September, 2018

    And, after you have done all of that, relax and have fun.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Margie SummersWednesday, 12 September, 2018

    Perfectly stated. I agree with and deeply get every single point. It took me decades to earn that wisdom, but once I got it, I never let go of it. I would add a couple:
    #13. Leave the gate open. If you have to pen somebody up to keep them in a relationship, they have already left it, and you are seeking ownership, not relationship.
    #14. Never give another person the key to your self-esteem. Not even for a nanosecond. But love the stuffings out of you. This ensures that you have lots left to shower on other people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. débora EwingWednesday, 12 September, 2018

      I LOVE #13 and 14! If I were less lazy, I would add them to the body of the post. I'm going to bed, though. Ta ;)

      Delete

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