Christmas 2012 - The Christmas of Bacon #parentingwin

By débora Ewing
Not the actual necklace; I think she's lost it.
My daughter Alia tells people about me: "I literally tell people you're like shots of tequila. OK here and there but too much and you'll end up wandering the streets in an unknown city." 
Her friends still ask "What's your mom been up to? Does she have any stories?"  I still have to tell y'all about doing laundry while Alia was in the hospital with a bum knee, but in the meantime here's a family classic:  The Christmas of Bacon.

I was so proud of myself. And it was too easy. My daughter asked me to send her bacon for Christmas.

"I will," I said, because I am a Good Mum, "and you WILL be sorry." Because she's met me.

I found a single eBay seller who had bacon Christmas ornaments, candy canes, chap-stick, bandages, dental floss, pose-able figurines, and car air fresheners. And wrapping paper, and was willing to wrap the package for me before sending because I can't mail - this is a known thing. Also, if memory serves me, my mini-me Alayna ate the chapstick.

But I am even prouder of her birthday present from that year. Alia is one of those people who can never find customized items in their name (you're welcome, Alia. I should have named you Zoe Moonwater.) And possibly this was the year she had her own bedroom, so I wanted a sign that said Alia's Room. But I did better.

I found someone who made adorable necklaces out of recycled Scrabble Tiles - I freaking LOVE Scrabble - decorated like those name-tags. You know: HELLO I'M ______________________. With no comma after the word HELLO.  But anyway...I was all set to order it when brilliance struck.

Me, to Seller: "Can you make this say HELLO I'M GONNA SHANK YOU?"
Seller, to Me: "I think it's too many characters. Can it be GONNA SHANK U?"
Me: "She's pretty hood. Go for it, and thank you!"

Again, You're Welcome, Alia.  Love you like a bathtub full of waffles and real maple syrup <3 br="">

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