Friendship and Surprise - Is this my Dating Profile? I'm KIDDING.

By débora Ewing
Let's go be children - You're the red panda; I'm Tiger - Some lost Saturday
I vacillate - sometimes daily - on the joys and tribulations of single life. I keep a handle on the joyful  by realising one day life will surprise me. Keep a watchful eye: no surprises, homeostasis preserved, single again today. Whew.

We present a facade to others - this is a fact. Your facade - we should call it your Archetype - may be (and should be) made up of actual, true, parts of you. It isn't going to be all of you because we filter, and rightly so. You choose which parts to put forth, possibly based on your read of the candidate. We like to be impressive, yeah? No.

I am not a name-tag emblazoned with HELLO I'M (they never really have commas, do they?) and so I should not present myself that way. I am smart and socially oblivious. I'm eclectic - quirky is the word Chantelle used for me - and I try to present ArchetypeMe as quirky because it will be so awesome when somebody gets me and isn't terrified.

It's also unfair because I'm judging in advance a person I don't know, assuming they won't get me, terrifying them on purpose. The worst possible outcomes are Ego Overshoot and  Disconnect Remorse (thank you for that phrase, Michael Rodenkirk!)

Actual connection is probably the most terrifying to me - opening doors when I already have so many more open than I'm accustomed to navigating.

Scratch that. Worst possible scenario is someone trying to shove me into the box of What They Think Dating Should Be Like. I won't go gentle into that compartment.  I will go off on shenanigans, though. I will try something new, especially if it's new to you, too.  I'm not all that interested in a tour of What You Think You Are, unless you're okay with being micro-analysed. That can be a lot of fun. You see? Terrifying in advance.

Break the mould. Don't try to be impressive - try to be ArchetypeYou.

(Please do not construe any of this as an invitation or a challenge - remember that homeostasis bit up there ^^? Single again. Whew.)

When you venture into the good night, be prepared to accept defeat. If the response you get for your efforts feels empty, consider that the interest you're used to receiving may not be ideal for healthy relationships. You may feel unsatisfied because you aren't used to the new format.

CAVEAT: don't blindly accept New simply because it's unfamiliar. But be receptive.

I can't tell you this enough times: failure is fabulous because it means you did a thing, and that is why you will go forth and try again. It is, in point of fact, not failure at all. Friend-zone as a worst-case scenario is not horrible, because it infers Time Not Wasted.  Time is extremely valuable. 

If you've mastered your process, worst case scenario is a new friendship, and best case scenario will be a surprise.

That time I was a Zombie
I love me like this - no makeup.
That time I wasn't Haraam
Let's see if I can be more me than I already am. You ready?

Comments

  1. MariFriday, 03 August, 2018

    My favorite photo, and the way I think you should introduce yourself, is as the woman who catches fish. I have to find that photo and re-post it. Wait, it was a video. I won't have it :-( Please re-post it. On Facebook. Or here. Or on the dating website. I don't see how anyone could resist you.

    ReplyDelete

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