#Caturday -Stay In Bed Reading and Pajama-hustle

at Macaroni Grill, Terminal 2 at ORD

Today I found myself wishing I was married, or otherwise had someone I could call to come over and make me some tea. I want to stay in bed, reading.

It's nice that I have time and space to do nothing but read in bed but my brain's running the list of things I should be working on, asking whether staying in bed is really appropriate. Wondering if I might be depressed.  No, brain; shut up. That's societal expectation talking. That's over-analysing. You can check, brain, but then stop checking. The answer will be the same in 2 minutes.

You can't be on the hustle 24-7. Every spare minute is not an opportunity to push your agenda. Downtime is necessary and should be scheduled as part of the hustle.

I really dislike the trend in self-help these days: everyone has a recipe, if a genuine sense of goodwill, and they'd like you to give them a dollar, please. I get it; just it's boring. People are boring, because they act like that dollar (or $24 for the book or $150 for the seminar) is like a lottery ticket. Surely it's a small investment to possibly learn the secret to success and happiness, right? Learn the hustle here, kids.

Here I go judging intentions again. I should shut up, because eventually I'm going to ask for a dollar, too. I hope I earn it well when I do.

sandwich shop, Charleston, SC

The secrets to success and happiness are found in face-time, or more properly conversation. Sharing of ideas, volleys, banter. As long as your internal archetypes are well-founded, the face isn't required all the time. You find out more about yourself when you bounce it around, volley it with someone else, and there's the chance that something will emerge which is greater than the two or more people in discussion. Books and seminars deliver a linear, non-participatory message, if you're unable to engage in discussion. I never did like being part of the audience.

Merrifield Weekend Street Market

Society's approval is off-kilter; it doesn't work like it should. I don't think I can turn these thoughts into a warm, fuzzy blog post. I already wrote one that quasi-chastised the audience. It's my Jesus moment, my Kurt Cobain impersonation. KC had a lot of WTF is the matter with you people moments. So did JC, actually.

It's disappointing that I have to have a talk with myself and tell *me I deserve to stay in bed, reading. "Deserve" is not the right word - this is not a trophy. Stay In Bed Reading should be on everyone's to-do list.

I'm finding that reading from paper pages is changing the way my brain works today, like a different set of neurons is getting exercise and then going about business. This needs to be noted, and repeated.

Also, as it happens, the book is on my to-do list, L'Amerique, so I'm still being productive. Thierry Sagnier needs reviews at Amazon and Goodreads, and I have to read the book so I can comment. I'm still reading, but I can tell you it's a very good book. I haven't once thought of throwing it against the wall.

You see? I'm pajama-hustling.  Okay, fine. It's a blog post. No pants required.

And nobody's coming over to make tea, so I got up to do it myself.

nice ferret...

I was depressed, possibly around this same time last year. I can tell the difference because last year I didn't have a list of things I could choose to not do today. Last year I had a list of things I couldn't bear to do, which is entirely something else. I can tell because today I know I will get back to the list tomorrow, or Tuesday, or when it's appropriate to move forward; with purpose, not grudgingly. It just feels different.

If you aren't sure whether you are depressed, try to find out. It will be worth the effort.

Further Reading:

L'Amerique - Thierry Sagnier
This is the story of a young boy in Paris, France, smitten with the romance of Real Cowboys and Real Indians. And then his family moves to America. It gives me a new perspective on my American childhood.