Guilt (before-coffee edit)

By débora Ewing
I think we're going to win a third season of Netflix's MindHunter. I hope I'm right; I hope enough other people appreciate that not-quite-resolved ending. I don't mean the convenient cliffhanger. I mean the part where our society is mirrored and resolution doesn't mean resolution for everyone. 

And that deep-80s soundtrack that hearkens back to my basement days.
This song sums up my mood at the moment. 

Ghostly emotions tend to creep on the weekends. I wonder if this feeling of guilt was instilled in me by Catholicism, or if Catholicism was invented to address it? Does it have anything to do with my absent-while-present father? Some sin for which I've been forgiven? 

That nagging feeling that I've missed something crucial and thus failed in my efforts? 

Why doesn't matter.

Guilt is a powerful tool that's often used against us. Anyone brash enough to take it by the handle can use it subversively, undermine our self-assurance, decimate us. Just a tenth of a question is enough to leave a hole. Guilt and shame often go hand-in-hand, macabre dance partners. It's good to keep a distinction, and consider shame as attached to how others perceive you. Guilt is internalizing, feeling remorse; it's about you.

Please remember that your guilt is your own; don't allow anyone else access to it. Examine your feelings. If you find legitimacy, apologize, make amends, or don't. And never forget where you left that issue. If someone else tries to pull it out of the box, stop them. 

Just stop them - don't kill them.

I still need to go get milk for my coffee. Catch you on the flipside, y'all. Gotta Boogie ;)

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